How To Smoothly End An Argument

January 21, 2022 - By Dii

Daily Short Blog #3

Have you ever felt like you know you are right but the other person doesn’t understand? And that he thinks he’s right even though he’s totally wrong?

Here are some advise on how to deal and properly manage a person who believes himself as some kind of perfect and ‘good’ person in some way. He sometimes spills childish yet argumentative lines and usually speaks unconsciously loud; arrogant, he loves to judge people and is selfish.

There was a time when I had an argument with the same person and mistakenly reacted by:

speaking more loudly;
bringing up evidences;
speaking with a tone of urgency; and,
refusing to let the topic drop.

I know ever since that doing these will just prolong the argument and create more problem as a raised voice can sound like an attack; evidence provides an opportunity to get sidetracked by debating the evidence; while, urgency often comes across as impatience or frustration.

What I would like to imply is that doing this during an argument is inefficient and will never solve the issue. I’ve learned so much from it and now I know what to do if it happens again.

If the conversation stays on track, you can keep trying to solve the problem. But if the dispute turns into a huge and more serious one, you might need to do something else.

Here are some of the thigs you could do when an argument escalated:

1. Remain calm. Of course, you will feel anxious and tense, but relaxing will help ease and lighten up your mood.

2. Use facts as evidence for your position. Never fabricate false stories just to prove that you are right. You would, for sure, look stupid.

3. Ask questions. This will help clarify the situation and shed light on the root cause of the problem.

4. Use logic, or simply common sense. Do not make things more complicated.

5. Listen. Pay attention and hear what the other party wants to point out. This will help you determine the direction of the conversation.

6. Be prepared to concede a good point. When the other person comes up with a distinguished point, you need to accept it.

7. De-escalate yourself. Ending an argument sometimes requires a sense of humility.

8. Re-interpret the event. Assess the probability of having this huge misunderstanding just because of a small confusion.

9. Re-conceptualize and look for points that could help solve the problem.

Instead of waiting for the argument to surface, choose a time when you are both calm and reasonably rested. Find a quiet, comfortable spot and deliberately call the argument to mind. You must now change places – that is, each must imagine each other’s point of view. Argue from the other side, say for 10 minutes, or until you feel you have covered all angles. Finally, tell the other what you’ve learned. Now that you understand their point of view more clearly, offer new and better ways to respond the next time the argument resurfaces.

Here are 4 simple yet powerful statements you can use to back off from a dispute and close it to an end:

1. “Let me think about it.”

2. “I understand.”

3. “You may be right.”

4. “I’m sorry.”

These short yet compelling affirmations will show your willingness to comprise enough to soften the other person’s position and allow them to take a step back as well.

I know it’s hard to say sometimes because it feels like giving in. In my view, it’s usually the opposite. Remember, you are not accepting that the other person is 100% right, thus you’re only acknowledging his point of view and implying that you’re considering it.

Lastly, apologizing is not an overall admission of guilt nor an acceptance of full responsibility. Apologies are powerful as these have prevented political conflicts, prevented lawsuits, improved business communication and healed personal

Offering empathy could work in solving disagreements and misunderstandings among our closest relationships including our spouse, families and friends. It is indeed hard to get out of a situation where the mood is already tensed and both are hyped up, especially when both parties have their own points of view. Sometimes you just have to dig beneath the surface and try to understand each others’ beliefs and feelings.

As to any kind of clashes, having an argument will keep you both spinning in circles with no way to end and usually make the problem worse.

So, I hope above tips could help you, as well as me, because I admit I’m really not a good conversationalist, but the abovementioned ways could really help so much in backing off a quarrel or ending it in good way.

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