Daily Short Blog #6

“Should I be scared of labor and delivery?”
“What will happen during childbirth?”
“Will I be able to do it?”

These were some of the questions that kept running through my mind every day—when I woke up in the morning, before I went to sleep, and sometimes at random moments throughout the day.

The closer I got to my due date, the more I wondered what childbirth would actually be like. Would I be able to handle the pain? Would everything go according to plan? What if something unexpected happened?

If you’re pregnant and asking yourself the same questions, you’re not alone.

Feeling anxious about childbirth is not unusual. Labor and delivery are major life events, and there is a lot of uncertainty involved. Instead of being too hard on ourselves for feeling afraid, we can acknowledge those fears and learn more about what to expect.

We also don’t have to go through the experience alone. Our partners, families, midwives, doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals can provide support and guidance throughout pregnancy and childbirth.

“Every mother on earth gave birth to a child except my mother—she gave birth to a legend.”

And yes, childbirth is a life-changing experience. While some women approach it with excitement, others experience a much stronger fear of childbirth. When that fear becomes severe and significantly interferes with daily life or pregnancy decisions, it may be referred to as tokophobia. Research describes tokophobia as an intense fear of pregnancy and/or childbirth, and it can occur for different reasons.

Some factors that may contribute to a fear of childbirth include:

• Hearing frightening or traumatic birth stories from other people;
• Previous traumatic experiences;
• Anxiety or other psychological factors;
• Fear of medical procedures or losing control;
• Concerns about the health of the mother or baby;
• Lack of confidence in the healthcare team; and
• Limited knowledge or uncertainty about the childbirth process.

Severe fear of childbirth is something worth discussing with a healthcare professional rather than keeping it to yourself. Support and appropriate interventions may help women feel more confident about labor and birth.

“A mother might give birth to a child, but before that, a child gives birth to a mother.”

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What Exactly Was I Afraid Of?

While thinking about childbirth, I realized that many of my fears were actually questions about things I didn’t fully understand.

Here are some of the things that made me nervous.

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1. Fear of Having a Cesarean Section

One of my biggest fears was having a cesarean birth, or C-section.

A C-section is a surgical procedure used to deliver a baby through incisions made in the abdomen and uterus. It may be recommended when vaginal delivery is not the safest option for the mother or baby.

There are many possible reasons for a C-section, including problems with labor, the baby’s position, concerns about the baby’s condition, or other maternal or pregnancy-related circumstances.

At first, I thought, “I really don’t want a C-section.”

But I eventually realized something important:

The goal is not simply to have a vaginal birth. The goal is to have the safest birth possible for both mother and baby.

If a C-section becomes necessary, it doesn’t mean you failed. It means your healthcare team determined that surgery was the safest option in that situation.

So, one important lesson I learned was to choose your healthcare provider and birth facility carefully and build trust with your healthcare team.

And perhaps most importantly, keep an open mind. Birth does not always follow the plan we imagined.

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2. Fear of Having a Bowel Movement During Birth

Okay, let’s talk about one of those embarrassing things that pregnant women might be afraid to mention. 😂

What if I poop while pushing?

Well, it can happen.

The muscles used during pushing are also involved in having a bowel movement, so some women may pass a small amount of stool during labor.

And honestly?

It’s not something you should be embarrassed about.

Healthcare professionals who assist with childbirth have seen this many times before. They are focused on helping you and your baby, not judging you.

So if this happens, don’t panic. It is simply one of those normal bodily things that can happen during childbirth.

“A birth mother always puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart.”

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3. Fear of Having an Episiotomy or Tearing

Another thing that frightened me was the thought of tearing or having an episiotomy.

An episiotomy is a surgical cut made in the perineum—the tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus—to enlarge the vaginal opening during certain deliveries.

However, episiotomies are not routinely performed for every vaginal birth. They may be used in specific situations, such as when the baby needs to be delivered quickly or when certain assisted-delivery circumstances arise.

There are also different degrees of perineal tears, ranging from minor tears involving the skin to more extensive tears involving deeper tissues.

The important thing to remember is that every birth is different.

If a tear or episiotomy needs to be repaired, healthcare professionals can provide appropriate treatment, including stitches when necessary. These stitches are generally designed to dissolve or be absorbed by the body rather than needing to be removed.

I also learned that routine episiotomy isn’t recommended simply because someone is giving birth vaginally.

So instead of worrying about something that may or may not happen, I think it’s better to discuss your preferences and concerns with your healthcare provider before labor begins.

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4. Fear of Experiencing the Pain

Of course, the pain was probably one of my biggest fears.

I had heard different stories from my mother, sister, friends, and other women about what labor felt like.

Some described it as extremely painful. Others said it was difficult but manageable.

The truth is, everyone’s experience is different.

There are also different options for managing labor pain. Depending on your circumstances and where you give birth, pain-relief options may include breathing and relaxation techniques, medication, nitrous oxide, local anesthesia, epidural anesthesia, and other methods.

An epidural, for example, can provide significant pain relief while allowing you to remain awake and alert during labor.

So rather than telling myself, “I have to endure the pain,” I learned that I could educate myself about the available options and discuss them with my healthcare team.

Having support, understanding what is happening, and knowing what pain-relief options are available can make the experience feel less frightening.

“Being pregnant means every day is another day closer to meeting the other love of my life.”

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5. Fear of Not Reaching the Hospital in Time

Another thought that kept bothering me was:

What if labor starts when I’m at home, at work, outside, or even driving?

What if I’m stuck in traffic?

What if the baby decides to arrive immediately?

These thoughts can easily make you panic when you’re expecting your first baby.

However, labor and delivery can vary greatly from person to person, and there is no guarantee about exactly how quickly labor will progress.

Instead of constantly worrying about whether I’ll make it to the hospital, I think it’s more helpful to prepare ahead of time.

Know:

• Where you’re going to give birth;
• How you’re going to get there;
• Who will accompany you;
• What route you’ll take;
• What numbers to call; and
• What your healthcare provider has advised you to do when labor begins.

Most importantly, follow the instructions given by your own healthcare team, because they know your pregnancy and circumstances.

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6. Fear of Not Getting an Epidural in Time

Another question I had was:

What if I want an epidural but it’s too late?

An epidural is a form of regional pain relief that can significantly reduce pain during labor while allowing the mother to remain awake and alert.

I had heard people say that there was a specific cervical dilation number after which an epidural could no longer be given.

However, there isn’t one universal centimeter measurement that automatically determines whether an epidural is “too late.” The decision depends on the circumstances, the stage and progress of labor, the availability of the anesthesia team, and other medical factors.

So, if you are considering an epidural, it’s better to talk about it with your healthcare provider before labor begins.

And if you ultimately cannot have the pain relief you planned for, remember that your healthcare team can help you explore other appropriate options.

“A mother’s joy begins when new life is stirring inside… when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone.”

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7. Fear That the Baby Won’t Fit

Another question that crossed my mind was:

How can a baby actually fit through there?

Seriously! 😂

The female body is capable of remarkable changes during childbirth, and the baby’s head can also undergo a temporary molding process as it moves through the birth canal.

However, there are situations where a baby may have difficulty passing through the pelvis or birth canal.

One term sometimes used in this context is cephalopelvic disproportion (CPD), referring to a situation in which the baby’s size or position and the mother’s pelvis make vaginal delivery difficult or impossible.

But it’s important not to assume that you can determine this simply by looking at the mother’s body or pelvis.

If you are worried about whether your baby can be delivered vaginally, discuss your concerns with your healthcare provider. They can evaluate your individual situation and explain what factors may affect your delivery.

And remember: you don’t have to figure all of this out by yourself.

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So, Should I Be Scared of Labor and Delivery?

Here’s the answer to my own question:

Yes, it’s okay to be scared.

Being nervous about childbirth doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do it. And it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re going to have a bad birth experience.

What matters is what you do with those fears.

Instead of keeping them inside your head, talk about them.

Talk to your husband or partner. Talk to your family. Talk to other mothers. But most importantly, talk to your midwife, doctor, or other healthcare professional.

Tell them exactly what scares you.

Are you afraid of the pain?

Are you afraid of having a C-section?

Are you afraid of tearing?

Are you afraid of losing control?

Are you afraid that something might happen to your baby?

Don’t be embarrassed.

Knowing what you’re afraid of gives you an opportunity to learn about it, prepare for it, and discuss your options with your healthcare team.

Fear of childbirth can be significant enough to affect a woman’s well-being and birth experience, so severe anxiety shouldn’t simply be dismissed as something a pregnant woman has to “get over.”

At the same time, don’t let fear steal the joy of your pregnancy.

You may not know exactly how your labor will unfold, and that’s okay.

You can prepare without expecting everything to go perfectly.

“I trust in my ability to birth my baby.”

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Final Thoughts

Looking back at all the questions I had about childbirth, I realized that much of my fear came from not knowing what to expect.

Sometimes, the unknown is scarier than the actual experience.

Learning more, asking questions, preparing a birth plan, understanding pain-relief options, and developing trust with your healthcare team can help you feel more confident.

But even after all the preparation, birth may still surprise you.

Your labor might not happen exactly the way you imagined. You might change your mind about pain relief. You might need an intervention you didn’t expect. You might have a vaginal birth, or you might have a C-section.

And that’s okay.

A birth plan is a guide, not a promise.

The most important goal is the health and safety of both mother and baby.

So, to every expectant mother who is scared right now, I want to say this:

It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to change your mind. And it’s okay to ask for help.

You don’t have to be fearless to become a mother.

Sometimes, being brave simply means moving forward even when you’re scared.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.”
— Nelson Mandela

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
— Psalm 56:3

If your fear of childbirth feels overwhelming, persistent, or is affecting your daily life, please bring it up with your healthcare professional. You deserve support, reassurance, and the opportunity to understand your options.

And remember:

You are not the first woman to feel afraid of childbirth, and you won’t be the last. Take it one day, one question, and eventually one contraction at a time. ❤️

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Sources

I would update your original source list rather than keeping some of the older or less authoritative sources.

• PubMed — Support for Pregnant Women Identified With Fear of Childbirth/Tokophobia
• ACOG — Medications for Pain Relief During Labor and Delivery
• ACOG — Cesarean Birth
• Mayo Clinic — Labor and Delivery
• Mayo Clinic — Episiotomy: When It’s Needed, When It’s Not
• PubMed — Tokophobia and Fear of Birth: Workshop Consensus Statement

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Originally Published: January 26, 2022
Updated: August 2026